I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
