Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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