My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
