Apparently you make a good broom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
