I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My balls are so social today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
