Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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