yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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