I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
