i jhust puked up my retainher.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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