Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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