i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
