where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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