I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
