i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
