I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
