Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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