I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
