lets start a swedish sibling band together
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
