you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
