your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
