when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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