Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
