Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
