So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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