Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
