if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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