apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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