I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
