Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
