I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
