That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
