True but thats because hes a fetus.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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