I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
