people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
