The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
