when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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