Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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