Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
