I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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