Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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