he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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