We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
