I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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