Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
