Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
