So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
