I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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