Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
