Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
