A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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