ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
