I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
