I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
