i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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