mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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