We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
