There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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