just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
