I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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