genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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