I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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