so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We need to rekindle our bromance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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