JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
