He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
