Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
