Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
