There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
