I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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