the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's blow job season.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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