i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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