Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
