did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
