proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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